Grief on a Saturday

When you were here, we'd stroll through the Mall at Short Hills on a Saturday afternoon

Window shopping for expensive shoes, or looking at kitchen gadgets in Williams Sonoma

Do we need another set of nested mixing bowls?

What about this new Ina Garten cookbook for feeding friends?

Imagining the size house we'd need to have that red enameled French stove with five brass burners, a hood, and two separate ovens

We'd sit in the Cafe outside Nordstrom's and sip our coffee 

As holiday shoppers lugged their purchases, shopping bags strung on their arms like tree ornaments

And discuss what we'd cook for dinner

Maybe let’s just have wood-fired Margherita pizza at Panevino 

Sitting out on the enclosed patio overlooking the bocce courts

Save the cooking for another day

I miss you in the grocery aisles in a crowded Safeway in California

As I buy cold sliced turkey and some thin Swiss to cobble a sandwich on a miniature naan that I will eat alone watching streaming news on my computer

I can't be bothered to cook for one and the kitchen isn't mine

My favorite All Clad saute pan is wrapped and boxed, locked away in a storage unit with all of our cookbooks and Grandma's recipes, and my large screen TV

I just want a cheddar cheese omelet and tomato soup ˗ comfort food

And some comfort

But you are not here