I Give Back My Love
She is on the antique swivel chair that matched the one Grandma had
I am leaning on the arm of the sofa
We’ve been here before
a week ago
last month
last year
I don’t want to move, I tell her
Where would we go?
Let’s just stay
She’s already called a realtor
and I have resisted
each time she brings up the woman’s name
You love this house, I reason
Let’s find a way to stay here
She’s fed up with me
with the argument
It’s unwinnable
You’re the bane of my existence, she says
It stings
a punch in the gut
after everything I’ve done for her
the daily trips to the hospital for radiation
the hours of sitting with her during chemo
the days I’ve sat with her
trying to cheer her
Given up my life to take care of hers
I know she doesn’t mean it
but I get up and walk away from her
For now
not forever
I’ll go wherever she wants
I’ll stay as long as she needs me
Until she’s gone
I remembered her telling me that when she was a girl
her father reproached her
calling her incorrigible
She told me she cried at his harsh word
She didn’t know what it meant
but she loved him and thought he would never speak to her again
A child feeling the pain that came from a parent
We’ve switched roles
now that she is old
I reach out my hand and give back my love
that she has given me in droves